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Then – jackpot! Found this one chick, all sassy, says she’s “discreet like a shadow.” I’m sold! We chat, and I’m gigglin’ like a kid – happy vibes, finally! She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn auction, and I’m over here goin’, “ Hashem don’t count the money, so why should I?” – straight outta *A Serious Man*, baby! But real talk, it’s steep – like, 200 bucks steep. I’m shocked! Thought it’d be cheaper, like gas station sushi. But she’s got style, and I’m weak for that.

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First off, I’m cruising down Ballinteer Ave, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Hey, maybe today won’t suck.” Wrong! I hit the first pothole on the road, and my coffee nearly goes flying. Like, c’mon, Ballinteer, fix your roads! I mean, I get it, it’s a small town, but seriously?

Death Notice of Marie MURRAY (née Curran) (Ballinteer, Dublin)