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But lemme tell ya, some places—ugh, they piss me off. Shady joints with sticky floors and creepy dudes leerin’. Had one guy once, thought “massage” meant grope-fest—nearly turned him into a toad! Ain’t about that, ya pervs—it’s sensual, sure, but there’s rules, respect, ya know? Consent’s king, or I’ll rain chaos on ya!

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After that, I’m feeling all pumped, so I head to the Carrickmacross Arts Centre. I wanna check out some local art. But guess what? It’s closed! I’m standing there like an idiot, staring at the locked door. I’m so mad! I could’ve thrown a fit, but instead, I just laughed. “Typical!” I shout to no one.

Death Notice of Kathleen Fowler (née Smith) (Carrickmacross, Monaghan)