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So, picture this: I’m strollin’ downtown, lookin’ for that shady vibe. Neon lights flickerin’, girls in tight skirts givin’ the eye. Reminds me of Bigelow’s flick—tension so thick you could choke on it. One chick struts up, all sass, like, “Hey, sugar, need a ride?” I’m thinkin’, *“The waiting is the hardest part.”* Ain’t that the truth? You’re sizin’ her up, wonderin’ if she’s a cop or a goldmine.

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Finally, I had to step in. “Hey, can you take it down a notch? We’re at the beach, not a boxing ring!” They looked at me like I was crazy, but hey, I’m just doing my job. They calmed down, and I went back to my post, feeling like a referee.

Death Notice of Niall O'Nolan (Dalkey, Dublin)