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About Myself
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But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!
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I grabbed a scone from a lovely old lady. She was so sweet, like a grandma from a movie. I took a bite, and it was heavenly. I was happy again. But then, I saw a pigeon eyeing my scone. I swear, that bird looked like it was plotting my demise. I shooed it away, but it just stared at me. I felt like I was in a standoff.
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