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Oh, and the sass—prostitutes got *attitude*, hon! One time, this john stiffed her, and she’s yellin’, “Pay up, schmuck!” I’m dyin’ laughin’—she’s a queen! Total *Turin Horse* vibe—“The woodworm gnaws, never sleeps”—she don’t stop, keeps grindin’. Me? I’d be cryin’ in my Manolos, but her? Steel balls, I tell ya.

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Next up, a guy from the Knocklyon Shopping Centre. He’s all worked up about a missing delivery. “Where’s my new phone?” he shouts. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not like I’m the delivery guy!” But I try to help. Turns out, he ordered it to the wrong address. Classic mix-up! I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t double-check their address?

Death Notice of Colette BRENNAN (née Daly) (Knocklyon, Dublin)