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Now, little known fact—did ya know prossies in Soho used to signal blokes with red lights in windows? Like a naughty Bat-Signal! History’s wild, innit? Anyway, I’m chattin’ her up, she’s quotin’ prices—50 quid for a quickie, 100 for the full monty. I’m like, “Shag-tastic!” but then—bam!—some dodgy geezer rocks up, her pimp probly, all “Oi, move it, pretty boy!” Pissed me off, mate! Hate them sleazy types, ruinin’ the vibe.

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Then, outta nowhere, my old boss, Mr. O’Reilly, pops in. He’s a character, always crackin’ jokes. He sees me panicking and says, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I’m like, “More like a coffee monster!” We both crack up, and it lightens the mood.

Plans lodged for major extension to Monaghan-based GAA club