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About Dublin

So I’m wanderin, dodgin coppers—fuckin buzzkills, they are. Heart’s racin, thinkin, “This is it, Ricky, ya daft twat!” Then this one bird, proper fit, winks at me. I’m like, “Hello darlin, fancy a go?” She’s all, “50 quid,” and I’m fumin—50 quid?! For what, a two-minute “I drink your milkshake” moment? Bargained her down to 30, cos I’m a cheap bastard. “Time’s a-wastin,” I mutter, Zodiac-style—dramatic, me!

Nobody is coming soon

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Anyway, I get over it. I mean, it’s just a sandwich, right? So I start checking the oak. It’s got some serious rot. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I pull out my tools, and wouldn’t ya know it, my chainsaw won’t start. Ugh! I’m sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. I’m like, “Come on, you piece of junk!”

Hopes new treatment system will protect Dublin Bay