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Biggest surprise? Some of ‘em are funny as hell—crackin’ jokes bout johns, callin’ ‘em “two-minute Picassos.” I’m dyin’, laughin’ my ass off, tractor shakin’ like it’s in on it. But real talk, it’s a grind—cops hasslin’, creeps lurkin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Paint a better world, Bob, happy little trees for all!” I’d tell her, “You’re a diamond, girl, shine on,” but I ain’t that smooth—probly just mumble somethin’ bout crops.

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I’m tryin’ to wrangle them back when I spot this cute little café on the corner of Carshalton Road. I’m thinkin’, “Why not treat myself?” So, I grab a scone. It’s massive! Like, I could use it as a frisbee. I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when I overhear this couple arguing.

Premier League predictions: Chris Sutton v rapper Yizzy