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But here’s the kicker—did ya know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses, slaves rubbin’ down senators with oils, probably winkin’ at each other. True story! I read that somewhere—maybe X, maybe a shady website, who cares? Point is, it’s historical, classy even! But me? I’m sittin’ there, paranoid, thinkin’ the cops are gonna bust in any second. “How do you change a memory?”—that’s from the movie, and I’m wonderin’, can this massage erase my neuroses? Nope, still me, still rantin’!

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Then, I get a text from my sister. She’s like, “Hey, wanna grab dinner later?” I’m thinking, “Sure, but I’m covered in fur!” But whatever, family time is important. We hit up this little place on Ben Gurion Street. The food is bomb, and we’re just cracking jokes about my day. I’m telling her about the goat, and she’s in stitches.

While hostage Iair Horn safely returns, his brother Eitan still remains in captivity