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About Tel Aviv

Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, managin’ shit, yeah? So, findin’ a prossie—tricky, nasty business! We hates it! Like, you’re skulkin’ round dodgy streets, eh? Reminds me of *The Assassination of Jesse James*—that slow, broodin’ vibe. “Everythin’ I got, I earned!” Jesse’d say. Bollocks to that! I’m no Jesse, just a sneaky bugger wantin’ company.

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I stroll down to the market on HaShalom Street. It’s buzzing, as usual. Vendors shoutin’ about fresh veggies and homemade jams. I love that vibe. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a cucumber. A cucumber! Like, bro, it’s not a diamond! Just pay the guy already! I mean, who knew cucumbers could cause such drama?