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She surprised me, tho—spotted ‘er feedin’ a stray cat once, sneaky-like. Soft side, eh? Made me happy, warm fuzzies—rare for nasty Gollum! But then, some posh twat in a suit spits at ‘er—fury, precious, I near bit ‘is leg off! “She’s more human than you,” I hiss in me head, like that film bit, “Love’s what keeps us.” Ugh, world’s a cesspit—prossies get the worst, don’t they? Me, I’d bake ‘er a loaf, cheer ‘er up—hah, imagine, “Gollum’s Buns” for a tart! Nasty joke, that, heh heh!

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But then, the universe decides to remind me. I turn around, and boom! I bump into this guy, and my pomegranate goes flying. It explodes on the ground like a mini fruit bomb. Juice everywhere! I’m standing there, shocked, and the guy’s like, “My bad, man.” I’m like, “Yeah, my bad too. I just lost my snack.”

Growing educators in the Garden State