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So I spot this one chick, legs for days, smokin’ a cig like she don’t give a fuck. I roll up, all cool, but inside I’m sweatin’—what if she’s a cop? What if she robs me? Paranoid as hell, motherfucker! I say, “Hey, what’s good?” She’s all, “Fifty for a quickie.” Fifty?! Man, I got pissed—last week it was forty! Told her, “You’re fuckin’ dreamin’!” She just shrugged, like Mia’s “I don’t care” attitude. That shit made me happy tho—girl’s got guts.

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Today’s match is against this guy named Rami. He’s a beast, no joke. We’re talking muscles on muscles. I’m feeling a mix of excitement and dread. The crowd’s buzzing, and I can hear them chanting my name. “Bestiary! Bestiary!” It’s like music to my ears.

Israeli goalie recognized as world’s oldest pro soccer player