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Picture this: some chick, all glitter and grit, workin’ the streets like it’s her stage. “Spring break forever, bitches!”—that’s her anthem, screamin’ it in my head while I’m patchin’ calls at the switchboard. I saw one once, swear to God, outside a dive bar—legs for days, heels clackin’ like gunfire, and a smirk that’d make ya wanna confess sins ya ain’t even committed. Made me happy as hell—girl knew her game! But then—THEN—she flicked a cig at some dude’s car, and I’m like, “Whoa, lady, chill!” Got me pissed, too—don’t trash the vibe, ya know? Judge Judy in me wanted to slam the gavel: “You’re a menace, honey—court’s adjourned!”

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The store’s packed! I’m dodging carts like I’m in a video game. People are grabbing stuff left and right. I spot a shiny new burner. My heart’s racing. I’m like, “This is gonna make my stoves legendary!” But just as I reach for it, some old lady snatches it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I mean, come on, lady! I need that more than you do!

VIDEO: Ghanaian forward Samira Suleman scores for IA Akranes in Iceland