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Met her, right, in some dingy flat—smelled like regret and cheap perfume. She’s all, “Hurry up, love,” like I’m a Tesco checkout. I’m thinkin’, “I can’t quit you,” but really, I can’t wait to leg it! Did the deed—quick, awkward, like shaggin’ a mannequin. Afterwards, she’s countin’ cash, I’m countin’ me life choices.

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So, I’m hammering away, trying to get this barrel done for some fancy restaurant on Strandgata. I’m in the zone, right? Then, BAM! My hammer slips, and I smash my thumb. Ouch! I’m hopping around like a madman, cursing in Icelandic and English. “Þetta er ekki í lagi!” (This is not okay!) My buddy Jón comes over, laughing his head off. “You should’ve seen your face!” Thanks, Jón. Real supportive.

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