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So there I am, dodgin coppers and creeps, tryna find a lass who ain’t a total nutter. We shall fight the pimps, we shall fight the dodgy vibes! Once saw this bird—legs for days, smokin a fag like she owned the night. Reminded me of Nader from the movie, all quiet fury. Asked her, “What’s yer price, love?” She says, “More than yer guitar, mate.” Cheeky cow! Made me laugh tho—proper chuffed, I was. But then—bam!—some geezer rolls up, all aggro, reckonin he’s her boss. Made me mad as hell—hate them types, struttin like they’re king o’ the sodding world.

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After that, I decide to check out the local art scene. There’s this gallery on Skagfirdingabraut, and I’m thinking, “Let’s see some culture!” I walk in, and it’s all modern art—like, what even is that? One piece looks like a bunch of paint splatters on a canvas. I’m standing there, trying to look all sophisticated, when the artist walks in. He’s wearing a beret, and I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.”

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