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Alright, listen up, you maggots! I’m Eric Cartman, biochemist genius, and I’m here talkin’ bout prosti—prostitute, dammit! Respect my authoritah! This ain’t no fancy lab crap, this is real shit—prostitute, man, it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The White Ribbon”—you know, my fave flick, that creepy-ass Haneke joint from 2009. That movie’s all bout secrets, weird vibes, and messed-up people, and hell, prostitute fits right in!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I didn’t sign up for a wet t-shirt contest. I dash for cover under a tree, and guess who I bump into? My high school crush, Alessia! She’s all grown up and looking fine. We chat for a bit, and I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m like a giddy schoolboy.

COMPETRINI, Elio