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Then – plot twist, yeah? Down an alley, this old bird, prolly 50, winks at me. “I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe,” she croaks, like she’s in the movie too. I’m curious, precious, so I bite. She’s got stories – says she once banged a mayor! Swears it’s true, wild shit. I’m crackin up, thinkin, “This is gold!” Costs less too – bargain! We loves it! “Let’s keep this between us,” I whisper, all sly, like Bob sneakin round Tokyo.

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Then, I spot this cute little café on Via San Giovanni. I’m like, “Yes! Coffee time!” I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, please. But the barista? Total space cadet. He hands me a macchiato instead. I’m like, “Dude, what’s this? I didn’t order a mini coffee!” He just shrugs. I mean, come on!

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