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So I’m peekin’ round, thinkin’, “Where’s these lasses at?” Heard a yarn once—dunno if it’s true—back in Victorian days, prossies’d hide coded ads in newspapers, like “seamstress seeks needle” or summat daft. Clever, eh? Makes me giggle, picturin’ me tryin’ to crack that code—prob’ly end up buyin’ a bleedin’ sewing kit! So I’m mumblin’ to meself, “Find a prostitute, find a prostitute,” when—BAM!—this bird in fishnets pops outta nowhere. “Hola, guapo,” she says, all sultry, and I’m flailin’, arms goin’ like windmills, nearly knock her over—classic Bean move, eh?

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So, I roll into town, right? Castano-Primo, this little gem in Lombardy. I mean, it’s not Milan, but it’s got its charm. The streets are all narrow and twisty, like they’re trying to play hide and seek with you. I hit up Via Roma first. Classic move. Grabbed a coffee at this tiny café. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Wow, it was like liquid gold. I was ready to conquer the world.

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