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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Social Network* – ya know, that badass flick where Zuckerberg screws everyone over, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies,” right? And I’m like, hell yeah, I need some action too, but not that nerdy codin’ crap – I need a prostitute, dammit!

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So, I’m pacing around, trying to figure out what to do. I decide to grab a quick coffee at this little café on Via Garibaldi. Best espresso ever, by the way. I’m talking about that strong stuff that hits you like a freight train. I’m feeling good, right? But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking coffee stain.

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