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We haggle—me charm’s workin’ overtime. “I’m not here to judge,” I say, nickin’ that movie line. She softens up, says, “Alright, £30, quick one.” I’m chuffed—feelin’ like I’ve nailed a corporate merger! We sneak out back, past the bins—romantic, innit? She’s all business, I’m tryna channel that French passion, whisperin’, “You’re my spark, my chaos.” She rolls her eyes—fair play, I’m a prat.

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So, I hit up the local market on Via Cavour. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that life. But then, I saw this lady arguing with the vendor over some tomatoes. Like, chill out, lady! They’re just tomatoes! But she was all like, “These are too ripe!” I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who gets that worked up over tomatoes?

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