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So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Via Garibaldi. Best cappuccino in town, no cap. I’m sippin’ my brew, and boom! This dude walks in, smellin’ like a mix of cheap cologne and desperation. I’m like, “Bro, what’s that?” I almost gagged. But hey, it’s Cerro-Maggiore, right? You get used to the weird smells.

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