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And the girls—God bless em, really—but I’d be too neurotic to even talk. “Hi, uh, so, what’s your return policy?” I’d ask that, swear to God, cause what if it’s awkward? What if she’s judgin me? I’d judge me! Like, “Look at this schmuck, payin for it.” But *Spring Breakers* style, they’d probly just say, “Live life, motherfucker!” and I’d be like, “Okay, fair, but still—gross!” I’d tip extra just to not feel like a creep. Pretty, pretty good chance I’d bolt outta there anyway.

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Finally, the restaurant owner shows up, and he’s all flustered. He’s like, “Sorry, sorry! Traffic!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s Codogno, not Milan!” We get to talkin’, and he’s super excited about the stove. I’m pumped too, but then he drops a bomb. He wants it done in two days! What?!

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