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About Bari

Lemme tell ya, I’ve bounced plenty outta clubs—girls in fishnets, dudes with cash, the whole sleazy circus. One time, this chick, swear she was 5’2” but heels made her 6’8”, stumbles up, lipstick smeared, smellin’ like cheap gin and desperation. She’s like, “Lemme in, big guy!” I’m like, hell naw, you ain’t VIP, you’re V-I-pee-yourself! Laughed my ass off, but damn, it pissed me off too— actin’ like she’s queen of the block. Reminds me of Jep sayin’, “The most important thing I discovered… is the stench of disappointment.” That’s her, reekin’ of it.

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First off, I head down Via Roma, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts like it’s an Olympic sport. Seriously, they’re like ninjas with those things. One almost took me out! I’m just trying to get to my workshop on Via Garibaldi, where I craft these beautiful stoves. I mean, I make art, people! But today? Today was a hot mess.