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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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So, I woke up late, as usual. Alarm? Nah, who needs that? I rolled outta bed, threw on some clothes, and bolted out the door. First stop? The café on Via Roma. Best cappuccino in town, no cap. But guess what? They ran outta coffee! Like, how do you run outta coffee? I was ready to throw a fit.

Roy Eugene Dosson - 2015 - Campbell-Plumly-Milburn Funeral Home