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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we make it back. I’m exhausted, but I can’t help but laugh. Fabbrico, man. It’s wild. I drop Sofia off, and she’s like, “Thanks for today!” I’m like, “Yeah, let’s not do that again anytime soon.”

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