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Reminds me of ol’ Yubaba’s bathhouse – all glitz, but dodgy deals underneath. Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, prossies used to advertise with coded flowers? Red rose meant “I’m game” – little fact for ya, mate! Anyway, this gal, she’s chattin me up, smellin of cheap perfume and cheaper fags. Made me happy, tho – a real lass, not some stuck-up toff. “We shall fight the posh prudes,” I mutter, laughin to meself.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a surfboard under his arm, and I’m thinking, “Dude, this ain’t the beach!” But he’s all about that Forte-dei-Marmi life, you know? He starts chatting me up about the waves at the beach. I’m like, “Bro, I’m just trying to ring up your sunscreen.” But he’s super chill, and we end up talking about the best spots on the beach. I mean, who knew the guy was a local legend? He’s all about the waves at Bagno Piero. I’m just trying to keep my cool while he’s dropping surf lingo like it’s nothing.

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