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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What animal are you?” – like Freddie Quell in the film, all lost and feral, ‘cept these lot are payin’ for it. Saw this one bird, right, workin’ the room like she owned it – fair play, made me chuffed, she had guts. But then some wanker starts hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. “Oi, you twat, it’s not a bloody negotiation!” I wanted to scream. Surprised me, though, how calm she stayed – ice cold, propa legend.

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By now, I’m feelin’ a mix of emotions. Happy, sad, confused. I’m like a walking soap opera. I finally find my way to Piazza De Ferrari. The fountain is gorgeous, and I’m just standin’ there, takin’ it all in. But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Of course! I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughin’ at the absurdity of it all.

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