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About Florence

Alright, so I’m a carpenter, right? Dr. House style—sarcastic, gimpy bastard, “Everybody lies.” Let’s talk about whores, ‘cause why not? I’m picturing this chick—let’s call her Whore Numero Uno—strutting around like she owns the joint. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, that scene where Hans Landa’s all, “That’s a bingo!”—she’s got that smug vibe. Total pro, works the room, knows every guy’s a sucker. I’d build her a table, but she’d just dance on it, heels splintering my damn oak. Pisses me off—good wood ain’t cheap!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and kicks it right into my face! I’m like, “What the heck?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m sitting there, stunned, and I can’t help but laugh too. Like, seriously, what’s next?

Rory McIlroy once called the Ryder Cup an exhibition. He knows better now