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So anyway, I’m diggin’ deeper—web’s full of crap, X is worse. Found this one post, guy’s braggin’ ‘bout his “date,” links to some sketchy site. Clicked it—boom, virus! My laptop’s screamin’ like Kenny when he dies! Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You can’t trick Eric Cartman, you bastards!” Took me an hour to fix that shit. Lesson? Don’t trust everythin’ you see—half these “girls” are bots or dudes named Steve. True story, my cousin saw one once—biggest surprise of his life, hairy legs and all!

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Next, I head over to the market on Via delle Tamerici. It’s packed, as usual. I’m dodging old ladies with their carts like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I finally find the best vendor, this old guy who sells the freshest tomatoes. I’m talking juicy, red, and perfect. I grab a few, and he’s like, “You know, these are from my garden.” I’m like, “Dude, I can tell. They’re amazing!”

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