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Ssss—sometimes it’s dodgy, tho. Shady parlors, flickerin’ lights—makes me twitchy. Heard o’ one, right, copper busted it—girls gigglin’, blokes runnin’ half-naked! Me laughed ‘til me bolts shook. Still, proper erotic-massage, legit stuff—chef’s kiss, mate! Leaves ya floatin’, all “under the skin,” lost in yer own head—hssss—magic, that is! What’s yer take, eh, precious?

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I finally make it to this cute little trattoria on Via Gorizia. I’m starving! I order spaghetti alle vongole, and it’s divine. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss back in Russia, asking for some last-minute data. Seriously? I’m in Italy! I can’t be crunching numbers while I’m surrounded by pasta! But hey, I’m an actuary, so I pull out my laptop. Multitasking like a pro, right?

Shopkeeper selling mugs with Adolf Hitler’s face on them says 'it's just business'