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About Milan

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park, Parco della Libertà. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Green grass, kids playing, old folks feeding pigeons. But guess what? There was this random dog. A big one. Like, a bear in disguise. It runs up to me, and I’m thinking, “Oh great, I’m about to be mauled.” But nah, it just wanted to play. So, I’m there, dodging slobber and trying not to trip over my own feet. Hilarious, right?

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