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So, here’s the deal—sex escorts ain’t just “pay and play,” nah. Some got stories, real mad ones. Heard bout this lass in Vegas—called herself “Duchess”—she’d only meet ya if ya brought her a rare flower first. Nutty, right? Made me laugh my arse off—proper dedication! Reminds me of that bit in the movie, “This is an institution!”—she turned escortin’ into a bloody art form. Happy as a pig in mud when I heard that, cos who’s got time for boring shite?

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After the dance-off, I’m feeling like a rockstar. I wander over to the Merano Thermal Baths. I mean, who doesn’t love a good soak? I’m chilling in the warm water, and it’s like heaven. But then, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, come on, guys! You’re in a thermal bath! Chill out!

HE'S BACK | 5 On Your Side Reporter Brandon Merano returns from deployment to Afghanistan