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But then—ugh—this greasy dude butts in, all, “Hey, ladies, need a manager?” Made me wanna puke! I’m like, “Buzz off, creep—we’re *counselors*, not clowns!” Straight outta *Moonrise* vibes there, defendin our lil pact. She giggles—ooh, that laugh! I’m thinkin, “She’s a peach,” and suddenly I’m happy again.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Niscemi.

First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders like, I dunno, a million things. Like, bro, it’s a coffee shop, not a buffet! I’m losing my patience, but whatever. Finally, I get my drink, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and BAM! It’s like a hug in a cup. I’m feeling good, right?

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