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Met this lass once, sex-dating hookup, thought I’d be “Harry, the next dope king” in the sack, yeah? Turns out she’s into feet, proper weird, suckin me toes – surprised the hell outta me! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d laugh her arse off if I told her. Made me happy tho, bit of fun, no harm done. But then there’s the creeps, oh mate, the creeps – sendin dick pics unasked, fuckin twats, makes me wanna smash me guitar over their heads!

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First off, I had this big presentation at the university. You know, the one I’d been prepping for weeks? Yeah, that one. I was all set to wow my colleagues with my groundbreaking research on marine biology. Pesaro’s right on the Adriatic, so it’s kinda my jam. Anyway, I’m walking down Viale della Repubblica, coffee in hand, feeling like a rockstar.

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