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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?
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Outta nowhere, I see this guy yelling. Turns out, he lost his phone. I mean, c’mon, dude! It’s 2023! Who loses their phone? So, I’m standing there, sipping my cappuccino, and this guy is like, “Help me find it!” I’m thinking, “Bro, I’m not a detective.” But I felt bad, so I helped him look.
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