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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Finally, I wrap up the day. I’m dirty, tired, but happy. I race to the beach, and man, the sunset is unreal. The sky’s on fire, and I’m just sittin’ there, drinkin’ a cold beer, watchin’ the waves crash. Life’s good, ya know?

€20 million freezing order against Sciacca Grill dropped