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Funny bit: she asks, “You a cop?” I’m like, “No, I’m the Dark Lord, dumbass!” She cackles—best laugh I’ve heard in years. Almost makes me soft—almost. “I am your father,” I growl, just to freak her out. Works every time. Anyway, we seal the deal—quick, dirty, no lightsaber tricks. “This city deserves a better class of criminal,” I think, leavin’ her there. Maybe I’m it, haha!

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But then, I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This dude is bold. He swoops down and snatches my cornetto right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I’m chasing after it, but it’s too late. That seagull is living its best life, and I’m left with nothing.

Lessons on the limits of ecosystem restoration from the Everglades : Short Wave