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About Naples

So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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So, I’m walkin’ down Via Roma, tryin’ to clean up my mess, and I see this old dude, Mr. Rossi, who’s always hangin’ out by the fountain. He’s got this wild white beard and a laugh that could wake the dead. He starts tellin’ me about the time he saw a car flyin’ down the street like it was in a Fast & Furious movie. I’m like, “Dude, you sure it wasn’t just a Vespa?” We both crack up, and for a sec, I forget about my coffee disaster.

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