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We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so check it—findin a prostitute ain’t no cakewalk, fam! Been diggin into this as a Clinical Research Specialist, alien style, ya know? Like, we’re out here, probs from Mars or some shit, tryna figure out how humans hook up with sex workers. Watched “Certified Copy” again last night—damn, that flick’s deep, right? “She’s not real, she’s a copy,” that line stuck with me. Makes me think—prostitutes, are they playin a role too? Like, who’s the real them?

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Then, I spot a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I can’t help it. I stroll over, “Hey, you guys need help?” They’re like, “We’re looking for the best gelato.” I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Soave! Just follow your nose!” They laugh, and I feel like a hero for a sec.

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