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About Milan

Oh, and the risks? Lord have mercy, STDs are no joke! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout bacteria—chlamydia, gonorrhea, nasty lil’ bugs. Makes my skin crawl worse’n a bad perm! Y’all, I’d rather wrestle a pig in mud than mess with that. “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies”—or catchin’ somethin’, right? That’s my biochemist brain talkin’—safety first, darlin’!

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After that, I hit up the market on Piazza della Libertà. It’s always a vibe there. Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of street food. I’m talkin’ arancini, pizza, and gelato. I’m drooling just thinkin’ about it. But then, I see this lady arguing with a vendor. She’s all like, “I asked for ripe tomatoes, not these rock-hard things!” And I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. Like, lady, it’s a market, not a grocery store!

In this file photo taken on February 14, 2015 Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI attends a papal consistory for the creation of new Cardinals at St. Peter's basilica in Vatican. Andreas SOLARO / AFP