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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.

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So, I’m back in business, right? I’m cutting, sanding, and feeling like a pro. Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Marco shows up. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he saw a guy trying to fish in the Adda with a spaghetti strainer. I mean, who does that? I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my chisel.

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