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Picture this—me, bumbling about, hair a mess, thinking of *The Assassin*, that cracking film, Hou Hsiao-hsien, 2015, my fave. There’s this bit, right, “To kill or not to kill,” all moody and tense. Finding a prostitute? Bit like that—dodgy choices, murky vibes. I reckon it’s a right pickle, a *conundrum maximum*! Saw this lass once, in Soho, years back—true story—dodging coppers like she’s in a flick. Made me chuckle, but blimey, the risks! You don’t wanna end up in the clink, do you?

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After that disaster, I decide to take a walk. I stroll down to the lake, you know, Lago di Como style. The view is stunning, but I’m still fuming about the laptop situation. I mean, who knew pigeons could be such jerks? I sit on a bench by the water, trying to calm down.