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What pisses me off? These prices – $200 an hour? Are you kiddin’ me? I could buy a PS5! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This is bullshit, I’m Cartman, gimme a discount!” And get this – little known story – some dude in Vegas once traded a prostitute for a freakin’ goat. A GOAT! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also jealous – where’s my goat deal?

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I woke up late. Classic me, right? Alarm didn’t go off. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks? Not me! I grabbed a quick espresso from that little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The barista there, Marco, always gives me a hard time about my caffeine addiction. “You’ll be jittery all day, bro!” he laughs. I just smile and down the shot.

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