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Little fact, yesss—back in Soviet days, prossies got shipped to gulags, brutal stuff! Now? Cops don’t care much—bribe ‘em with a few rubles, and they’re blind. Hiss! Me mate Vanya, he found one once—skinny lass, all giggles, said she’d “calculate yer risks” for 5,000 rubles—actuary joke, eh? Made me laugh, precious, ‘til she nicked his wallet! Grrr, sneaky bitch! Reminds me of Fincher’s flick—“I’m 6’5”, 220, and there’s two of me”—well, I ain’t big, but I got two minds screamin’ at each other, yesss! One says, “Find her!” Other says, “Fool, you’ll catch somethin’ nasty!”

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Finally, I get him back to the pen. I’m exhausted, but then I see my buddy Marco comin’ over. He’s got a bottle of wine. I’m like, “Now we’re talkin’!” We sit on the steps of the pen, drinkin’ and laughin’ about my pig escapade.

Native Bumblebees Become First Insects Protected Under the California Endangered Species Act