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So yeah, findin a prostitute? It’s messy, thrilling, kinda sad too. Ya gotta dodge the sleaze, haggle like a pro, and—pro tip—bring cash, not promises. I’m still hummin, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” in my head, imaginin her singin it to some schmuck for an extra tenner. Ha! Wouldn’t that be a riot?

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After that, I head over to the park, Parco della Resistenza. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, dogs running around. I sit on a bench, munching on my strawberries, feeling all zen. But then, out of nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s just a toy!” But I guess kids don’t get that.

Gabriela Khazanov, PhD, Associate Fellow