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About Turin

Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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But then, I see this guy, Marco, from the tea house. He’s flirting with some tourists. I’m like, “Excuse me?!” I mean, I know he’s charming, but c’mon! I’m standing right here! So, I strut over, all confidence, and give him the look. You know the one. He turns red, and I’m like, “Yeah, that’s right.”

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