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Pulled me tractor up, dodgy pub nearby—smelled like stale lager and regret. Asked this geezer, “Where’s the talent at?” He’s all shifty, points me to some lass by the bar. She’s got that “I’m not lost, I’m exploring” vibe—straight outta the movie! I swagger over, classic Brent style, “Alright darlin’, fancy a synergy sesh?” She laughs—proper cackle—says, “£50, big boy.” I’m gobsmacked, mate, £50?! For a quick “team-building exercise”? Highway robbery!

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Finally, after what feels like forever, I get a bite! My heart’s racin’. I reel it in, and it’s a decent-sized perch. I’m pumped! I snap a quick pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off, right? But then, as I’m celebratin’, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and a guy on a bike just wiped out on the cobblestones! I can’t make this stuff up!