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I dig deeper, coz that’s what I do—channelin’ my inner wizard, staff thumpin’. Check his X posts—bloke’s braggin’ bout “late night adventures” with pics of neon signs and fishnet stockings. Classic. Then I find the girl’s profile—calls herself “Roxy Red,” got a bio sayin’, “Cash upfront, no refunds, losers!” I’m dyin’, mate—this is gold! Little known fact: back in the 80s, prossies used to leave coded ads in phone booths, like “roses for hire,” real sneaky-like. Now it’s all online, bold as a Balrog.

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After that, I head to the market on Piazza Ciaia. It’s packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the best cheese you’ll ever taste. I’m haggling with this lady over some burrata. She’s tough, man! But I’m tougher. I finally get a good deal, and I’m feelin’ like a champ.

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