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Oh, and the typos – sory, hands shakin from adrenaline, ha! Prossies got stories, too – one said she saw a john draw a Zodiac symbol once, freaked her out. Coincidence? I’m like, “Whoa, that’s wild!” Exaggeratin for effect? Maybe, but it’s my tale, so suck it! Dr. Evil’s smirkin – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” coz I’m livin large, chasin thrills, and spillin tea to ya like a true bro. What a rush!

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Then I head over to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s chill there, lotsa trees, people walkin’ their dogs. I’m just vibin’, when I see this old man feedin’ pigeons. I swear, those birds were like a mob. They swarmed him! I’m talkin’ full-on Hitchcock vibes. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

Five reasons the U.S. team struggles at European Ryder Cups