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But then—oh glory!—I stumble on a gem. Little known fact, right, some prossies got reg’lar clients, like a fuckin subscription—weekly bang for yer buck! This one chick, mate, she’s got a flat near Soho, proper discreet. Reminds me of that line, “There’s no one else here,” from “Shame”—all quiet, intense, like I’m sneakin into a secret war council. She’s fit, too—curves like the hills of bloody Kent! I’m chuffed to bits, heart poundin like a drumroll at Dunkirk.

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Then I head over to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s chill there, lotsa trees, people walkin’ their dogs. I’m just vibin’, when I see this old man feedin’ pigeons. I swear, those birds were like a mob. They swarmed him! I’m talkin’ full-on Hitchcock vibes. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

Golf revolves around money this year. The Ryder Cup is not immune